May 2010
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“looking back on it, it was pretty weird”
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i was marginalized, pushed aside, insulted, ignored, denied, and when i reacted to any of those things, i was made to feel as if there was something wrong with me.
in short, fuck school.
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personal problems, #483052
i find it hard to admit when people have power over me. i mean, like, emotional power. you know how there are certain people that are always going to be able to change your behavior? in ways that make you feel weak or stupid? i know there are people like this in my life, but something in the tangled-up mess of wires that is my brain makes it hard for me to acknowledge that.
but i’m quite...
… and then i’m standing on the outside of things, in a different place, looking back at myself, and i see that i don’t like this different place very much at all. these new faces and ways are empty and stupid compared to the things i have where i usually am. i would much rather be back there, with myself. which begs the question: am i already building the life that i want?
i thought i would feel more outside of myself this summer, but shit conspires to keep me well inside. living in my parents’s house for the past week and a half has surely not helped things.
i think this will soon change. adventure!
yesterday evening:
hung out by myself, got scolded by my dad about my poor grades, then ate dinner with my parents. it was so much like being in high school it kind of freaked me out.
and then that night i found one of my high-school bookbags, and oh my god i wish i had a scanner.
i want to be cool, too!
let me break this down a little bit: my girlfriend is in London for 25 days, so for a while I’m going to use this to eject the horribly uninteresting guillotine-worthy-thought-dream-type-shit that builds up in my mind. and when i’m not doing that i’m going to post pictures that i like.
also, it would really cheese off my girlfriend if she saw me typing like this, but i really...
